Friday, March 6


I just came back from the hospital... I've been there for 3 days... bruises all over the body and chipped front tooth... I'm okay right now, I know I'll be out of my house soon... soon enough.

One month left.

I think I should wait a while before posting again. Maybe I have no feeling left or too much of it to effectively write what it is I want to write. There's too much going on, so little time. I'm tired of trying to sort things out, I just want to get out of my current life.

I'll be back in 2-3 weeks.
New place,
new future,
new me.

I'll still go around blogs and comment, I read all of you even when I don't comment.
Thank you for following... maybe you'll be back later on.


Monday, March 2

it happens

March already eh...

I embarassed myself today...

I often do but today was far beyond the usual situations... It was in front of Josh... the potential boyfriend...

Why do people always embarass themselves in front of the ones they want to impress? It always happens to me!

But he laughed... the good laugh.

He's awesome.

Monday, February 23

the little surprises

I found an apartment. 2 bedrooms, 1 hot bathroom, nice little kitchen and everything. The rent is a little expensive so I'll have to find myself a room mate but that's fine I guess...

... I don't know if I want a gal or a guy... girls can be fantastic bitches at times... Where do I place my ad? How does this whole thing works?

I'm clueless.

My father keeps leaving voice mails on my cell phone. I'm not talking to him until I've calmed down/don't want to kill him anymore. It'll be a while.

Before moving out, I'm taking a little trip to Hamilton... that's where K lives. He won't talk to me or answer my calls, my emails... I'm going there in the hopes that he won't reject me if I'm around... I just want to talk and settle things...

I don't think I'll fall out of love in one visit but maybe then will I have some answers... I need some answers...

I don't know if he still has feelings for me... maybe the idea of what we had... I don't know. It's amazing how much love can drive a person crazy... I think I'm crazy... I know he's single... but I'm not getting my hopes up.

Going there to talk and get some answers, that's it.

Things will get interesting in the next couple of weeks, that's for sure. I'm patiently waiting...

Saturday, February 21

we found the idiot

My father wants a paternity test for all of us. He wants to justify to his friends and his stupid fucking wife why he divorced my mother and now he wants a paternity test...

The fucker...

He left my mother an email yesterday night with the information... my mother was beside herself, so she should be... What is his problem? I look like him, everyone knows that. We ALL look like him! It costs 650$... there's like a medical test and something to be done at home...

What's my little brother gonna think? He idolizes my father like he's King of the world and now THIS?!!

I'm about to punch a wall... so so fucking angry right now. A paternity test after 20 years? What the fuck are you thinking man? What is your fucking problem? Stupid jackass.

Whatever love there was left in me for him, it's gone.

All gone.

And it's not coming back FUCKER.

Monday, February 16

it works for some

My Valentine's day was bearable. Joshua... the date... made the best impression/job one could... he opened doors and pulled out chairs, he made good conversation... I'll definitely see him again...

This weekend made me think about K... I know I haven't posted the whole story... because it just hurts... but it was my fault... all my fault... this love and dating business is something I just don't get... It's like everyone is wired to the main central and I'm not... I was forgotten at birth and no one has had the decency to fill me in... It's weird. I don't know if I'll ever be able to move on, I know I'm trying but it's hard... I don't have closure... It all ended so horribly... It was all my fault.

But I had a good time this weekend... I don't think I did the things I was supposed to do... I mean should one compliment the other? I didn't do that... We did kiss at the end... It felt weird... not because he's a bad kisser or anything, weird because I used to not kiss on first dates... but it felt right and right is good. Right is what I need at the present time.

He sent me an email this morning, and the message ended with an interesting quote:

Love is a choice you make from moment to moment.
- Barbara de Angelis

... We'll see.