Saturday, January 17

the things of the heart

This right here, all this that I'm about to reveal, has been crushing my heart for months. It tears me apart and makes me sick inside and out. It's about love and losing love and needing love and not getting it. It's about putting things on paper and trying to sort it out, trying to find the answers to my problems.

It's about him...
I love K with all my heart... all the broken pieces of my heart... and he loves me too... well he used to. I should've been honest with him from the get go but I was afraid that he wouldn't feel the same way about me if he knew everything there was to know... I was dishonest and I hate myself for it because all he wanted was to love me and was honest with me... I was scared... it's no excuse but I was...

I don't know if I can live without him.
I don't want to call or bother his life - not at all - maybe he has found someone else and maybe the past is just the past. But I'm presently living in a shell of the past... I can't move on without knowing for a fact that he'll never ever ever want to be with me ever again.
I would do anything to have him touch me or just talk to me for 2 minutes.

Maybe all I need is closer.

I'll post the whole story sometime this week, thinking about him for too long makes me want to cry.


  1. i just randomly stumbled upon you, and this one post saddened me, mainly because it reminds me of my entire blog. You can definitely live without that someone! after all, you're still breathing now, even after typing that aren't you? As heavy as it is, write, be pained as you should, for your own healing process, but do not add up to one's ego by making them seem as essential. they're not. I've learnt that quite recently, and am still learning.

  2. I can only read and try to understand, I don't know what it is to love to a point where you feel you can't live without a person.
    The thought frightens me.

  3. <3 :( I completely understand you...

  4. NJ: I'm still breathing, yes, and I know where you're coming from... It's just painful and it hurts so much... I'm trying though.

    JoJO: It'll come one day, I won't work out all the time and you'll wake up pissed and hurt some days but I know it's worth it.

    P: Thank you :)