I'm sorry readers,
I'm so sorry.
(I know some people I trust read this and so... )
I know I've been awfully gloomy lately and it has influenced the quality of my posts and blog in general. There's definitely more to me than a broken lovesick heart and flowing thoughts of sexual decadence... I'm just going through a bunch of crap and don't have the tools to help me cope with the stressful situations. I realized last night how detached and sad I've been, when a little boy randomly came up to me and asked me if I was okay.
I don't know him, I'm sure we've never met before... and yet this 6 year-old - he told me how old he was moments before his mom retrieved him - knew I wasn't alright.
When he left, I cried silently... right in the middle of the public park I stood for awhile. I'm sure I looked demented... but it hit me... why am I playing this messeed up role? Why should I be the victim? I'm sure it doesn't have to be this way... Jane, of all ways to leave this planet, you're not going to die of a broken heart.
Not much has worked out for me in the past... if someone was to make a movie of my life 'til now, it'd probably fall under the Rated R horror films... or something close to it... I'll start feeling better when able to share what has happened in my life without being so scared.
I'm still scared.
I might wake up tomorrow morning and forget this present moment. Maybe meeting the little guy will mean nothing by Monday... but for right now nothing else damn matters. I'm sure I haven't reached a level of pure happiness... today, I'm settling for okay.